This is a poem from my book Black Canvas:
I followed you
Instead of my instincts that day
From the playground to your efficiency
Where you efficiently played on my curiosity
And convinced me to stay.
For a little while,
We sat there on your bed
My 15 year old body
Cradled between your 23 year old legs.
Innocently enough it began;
A shoulder massage to try to ease my growing tensions
Only fueling my instincts to urge me to leave.
And this time I was finally listening..
Trying to maneuver myself free
But your arm across my chest now was preventing.
I wanted to struggle more
But the grip around my neck was tightening
The only words I could let go of was
LET ME GO HOME!
But you decided to make me your momentary play thing.
You place your lips upon a body that never begged for them
And forced yourself inside a place that was never ready or willing to welcome you into it
I tried hard to fight them but the tears still fell as I laid there
Blood staining your sheets
You wouldn’t clean it
Displaying it proudly like your trophy
A reminder of the innocence you’ve stolen
You wear a joker like smile knowing
I am now damaged
And will never be the same…
Years have come and gone
But I still can’t escape
You, on some nights, invade my sleep
Making nightmares out of my dreams
But your laughter is still strong and muffling
Giving the outward appearance that I’m smiling
So that no one would bother to shake me
Knowing that I am ok
But it’s 17 years later…
I’m still shaking.