||•Killed the Cat•||

This is a poem from my book Black Canvas:

I followed you

Instead of my instincts that day

From the playground to your efficiency

Where you efficiently played on my curiosity

And convinced me to stay.

We talked

For a little while,

We sat there on your bed

My 15 year old body

Cradled between your 23 year old legs.

Innocently enough it began;

A shoulder massage to try to ease my growing tensions

Only fueling my instincts to urge me to leave.

And this time I was finally listening..

Trying to maneuver myself free

But your arm across my chest now was preventing.

I wanted to struggle more

But the grip around my neck was tightening


The only words I could let go of was



But you decided to make me your momentary play thing.


You place your lips upon a body that never begged for them

And forced yourself inside a place that was never ready or willing to welcome you into it

I tried hard to fight them but the tears still fell as I laid there

Blood staining your sheets

You wouldn’t clean it

Displaying it proudly like your trophy

A reminder of the innocence you’ve stolen

You wear a joker like smile knowing

I am now damaged

And will never be the same…

Years have come and gone

But I still can’t escape

You, on some nights, invade my sleep

Making nightmares out of my dreams

I scream

But your laughter is still strong and muffling

It overpowers

Giving the outward appearance that I’m smiling

So that no one would bother to shake me


Knowing that I am ok

But it’s 17 years later…

I’m still shaking.


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