||•Intrusion•||

So,
here I am again.
Knocking at the door if your heart
hoping that you’re home because
as you can see, I’m not quite done with building my own.
I’ve convinced myself that
I am homeless without you.
So I pushed my mind aside
and with swallowed pride
I bang on your door
with a sense of urgency,
because this; I am the emergency
and I am in need of saving.
I bang…
Easing up at the sound of
your footsteps on approach.
I hesitate; wait
but I am met with nothing
accept for your silence.
You have but have not
acknowledged that I am here.
Tears…
I stand here; broken
Angry that you ignore me.
I am vulnerable
and thought I had meant
much more to you than this.
So I start yelling and
throwing up ultimatums.
Threaten that ‘if you don’t let me back in
I will take it all away.’
And still you say;
Nothing.
You think you’ve called my bluff
and now as I have given up,
turning to leave
you watch through the peep hole in disbelief.
Stepping off the last stair I hear you speak
“Baby, wait.”
You open the door but not all the way.
Just enough so that I could see
the parts of you,
only the ones you wanted me to; Just enough of the old you
the you I would come running back to
And I did.
Against the warning of my intuition,
bombarding my way back in. 

©Nicole Kidwell
*This is poem 1st in my 2nd book, picking up exactly where Black Canvas left off.

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Random Book Notes 

All 74 poems from Black Canvas plus the 47 either removed or extra pieces for a grand total of 151 but I’ll probably boost it to 160. Canvas I: Black (BC remastered) re-released in 2018.

||Return of the Queen||

When she left,
their metaphorical castle walls
came crumbling down behind her.
And never once did she wonder
how they would fare beneath the debris.
From underneath the rubble,
they scream.
Their cries fell on deaf ears,
but they continue to fight
until from under this weight
they are released.
A young princess,
left to tend to the wounds of her king.
Her words, bandage scars
and heals the wounds that cannot be seen
Charged with the task
of creating miracles out of broken beliefs.
To make warriors of very young princes,
all in the name of protecting
our new castle as they build again
from the broken pieces.
They,
a stronger family,
united in their new kingdom.
Unbroken;
Despite tragedy.
And now
here she comes
returning to reclaim a place
that was rightfully once her own.
And finds herself;
a queen,
dethroned.

||Forbidden Chances: Pt One||

Who knew a group date
Could change my fate??

Introductions fuel seduction
I need a distraction
For he is not mine
I cannot have him
For he has some one
I belong to another

Therefore,
We are forbidden

Trying not to look for too long
But our eyes exchange glances
All the while my eyes are enchanted
Dancing over every inch of you

You tell me your name
I am slow to speak my own
Because in my head
I’m repeating over and over
Is please don’t leave us together alone

A hug embraced, our first mistake
Inducing the spark
Physical interaction
This hug goes on a few seconds to long

Instant attraction

We all sit down, drinks start flowing
Round after round
This is bound to get interesting

My mans right her, your girl is right there
Although both are engaged in the groups conversation
So much so that neither noticed us getting closer
At the other end of the table

Getting deeper and deeper in conversation
Gaining liquid courage
Words are changing
Turning into questions that shouldn’t be
Apologizing
Because we keep brushing against each other
“Accidentally”

I test you, you test me
I tempt you, you tempt me
I touch you, you touch me

Nobody is stopping
Nobody is watching
To see that we are so close
So all alone

Placed your hand on my knee
My mind starts daydreaming
Because my body is feining
Screaming
it wants more

I place my hand on top of yours
Slide your hand up my thigh
And we lock eyes
We know where this is going

With every drink that we take
Temptation is blurring
The lines of our limitations
The tension is baiting
Hesitations and reservations
Are all falling away
No action now is mistaken
Forbidden chances are calling
Begging to be taken…

|| Temptation||

It beckons me
Temptation

It smells my weakness
and it comes calling
crawling
creeping from beneath obscurities
Waiting to feast on my insecurities

Oh why do you smell so sweet?

Vanilla with a hint of possibility
As you stand there in all of your absolute glory.
Caramel complexion, contoured abs, bedroom eyes, beautiful smile, and perfect teeth.

Mmmmhmmm…

No, no!
Wait, you can not have me.
Even as badly as I want you to have me.
I can not, we can not be.
So you go your way and I mine,
we must flee.

And so I run
I run as fast as my legs can take.
I had to get away so that you can not take me.
I stop for a minute to catch my breath

Breathe…

I look back only to see that you are still chasing…
Why?
Are you still…
Chasing…
Me?

Temptation beckons me
Banging
Threatening to break down the door to these 4 walls that I hide behind.

He thinks of me a prisoner and wants to rescue me.
Snatch me away, up into his arms, and into safety.

He wants me…
Safe

He wants to save me because I am the dummy who won’t walk away
from my current toxic situation and he sees it.
But to take that leap, I have never been that brave.
And I hold way too much pride to admit I needed saving

So I stayed…

Only to soon find regret the day
That temptation decided
And then started to walk away.

©Nicole K. 2016