Chasing Perfection 

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||•Intrusion•||

So,
here I am again.
Knocking at the door if your heart
hoping that you’re home because
as you can see, I’m not quite done with building my own.
I’ve convinced myself that
I am homeless without you.
So I pushed my mind aside
and with swallowed pride
I bang on your door
with a sense of urgency,
because this; I am the emergency
and I am in need of saving.
I bang…
Easing up at the sound of
your footsteps on approach.
I hesitate; wait
but I am met with nothing
accept for your silence.
You have but have not
acknowledged that I am here.
Tears…
I stand here; broken
Angry that you ignore me.
I am vulnerable
and thought I had meant
much more to you than this.
So I start yelling and
throwing up ultimatums.
Threaten that ‘if you don’t let me back in
I will take it all away.’
And still you say;
Nothing.
You think you’ve called my bluff
and now as I have given up,
turning to leave
you watch through the peep hole in disbelief.
Stepping off the last stair I hear you speak
“Baby, wait.”
You open the door but not all the way.
Just enough so that I could see
the parts of you,
only the ones you wanted me to; Just enough of the old you
the you I would come running back to
And I did.
Against the warning of my intuition,
bombarding my way back in. 

©Nicole Kidwell
*This is poem 1st in my 2nd book, picking up exactly where Black Canvas left off.