Reorganizing 2018

I’m trying to get my life together lol and no be so all over the place. I have my website FINALLY! Yay me! My book and future books have a permanent home there. So now here you will get all the updates, my POTM (poem of the month), behind the scene/meaning of my(books, projects, and poems) project info and etc. I also plan on giving my thoughts(aka reviews) on books that I will be reading throughout the year (mostly poetry) so there will be at least once a month. As of this very moment, with the release of v.2 of Black Canvas coming up I’m trying to work out the details of something for those who subscribe to my site, sort of like a referral code thing that after x amount of people use their specific code they will end up getting my book for free (plus the cost of shipping) and other things along the way… I also wanna do some book hauls. So if you have any books that you suggest I get please let me know in the comments…

hugs and love



||•Book News•||

It’s been almost one year (Sept 30th) since the release of my first book Black Canvas. Thank you to everyone that has been there and supported me throughout that entire process and to everyone who has purchased it! Black Canvas II will be released Sept 30, 2018. Before then I will be re-releasing Black Canvas with a new cover and more poems and making it available in all formats. *Hopefully before Christmas*


here I am again.
Knocking at the door if your heart
hoping that you’re home because
as you can see, I’m not quite done with building my own.
I’ve convinced myself that
I am homeless without you.
So I pushed my mind aside
and with swallowed pride
I bang on your door
with a sense of urgency,
because this; I am the emergency
and I am in need of saving.
I bang…
Easing up at the sound of
your footsteps on approach.
I hesitate; wait
but I am met with nothing
accept for your silence.
You have but have not
acknowledged that I am here.
I stand here; broken
Angry that you ignore me.
I am vulnerable
and thought I had meant
much more to you than this.
So I start yelling and
throwing up ultimatums.
Threaten that ‘if you don’t let me back in
I will take it all away.’
And still you say;
You think you’ve called my bluff
and now as I have given up,
turning to leave
you watch through the peep hole in disbelief.
Stepping off the last stair I hear you speak
“Baby, wait.”
You open the door but not all the way.
Just enough so that I could see
the parts of you,
only the ones you wanted me to; Just enough of the old you
the you I would come running back to
And I did.
Against the warning of my intuition,
bombarding my way back in. 

©Nicole Kidwell
*This is poem 1st in my 2nd book, picking up exactly where Black Canvas left off.

||•Killed the Cat•||

This is a poem from my book Black Canvas:

I followed you

Instead of my instincts that day

From the playground to your efficiency

Where you efficiently played on my curiosity

And convinced me to stay.

We talked

For a little while,

We sat there on your bed

My 15 year old body

Cradled between your 23 year old legs.

Innocently enough it began;

A shoulder massage to try to ease my growing tensions

Only fueling my instincts to urge me to leave.

And this time I was finally listening..

Trying to maneuver myself free

But your arm across my chest now was preventing.

I wanted to struggle more

But the grip around my neck was tightening


The only words I could let go of was



But you decided to make me your momentary play thing.


You place your lips upon a body that never begged for them

And forced yourself inside a place that was never ready or willing to welcome you into it

I tried hard to fight them but the tears still fell as I laid there

Blood staining your sheets

You wouldn’t clean it

Displaying it proudly like your trophy

A reminder of the innocence you’ve stolen

You wear a joker like smile knowing

I am now damaged

And will never be the same…

Years have come and gone

But I still can’t escape

You, on some nights, invade my sleep

Making nightmares out of my dreams

I scream

But your laughter is still strong and muffling

It overpowers

Giving the outward appearance that I’m smiling

So that no one would bother to shake me


Knowing that I am ok

But it’s 17 years later…

I’m still shaking.